Overcome shyness

by John Alexander, author of How To Become An Alpha Male.

The woman standing next to you at the train station has the loveliest face you've ever seen. Her hair is silky black, her skin looks like fine bone-china.

But you just don't know how to overcome your shyness, how to stop being nervous. You would be the happiest man on the planet if you could pick her up, but you feel that familiar fear deep inside your stomach.

You know that even if you plucked up the courage to go for it, you wouldn't know what to say. You feel so nervous that you shy away from approaching her.

Does this situation sound familiar? If so, you need to learn how to overcome your shyness.

The first thing to realise is that all men get anxious about approaching women. I know I certainly do.

The crucial key is what you do to overcome your shyness. Most men let fear paralyse them, not just with women, but about other things in their life like their career. This is why, unfortunately, most guys will never achieve the success they crave.

First, look at where your fear comes from. The problem is inside you. It's not with the girls.

If you're thinking about rejection, that means you're making your approaches with a certain outcome in mind. Try this instead ... approach without having any expectations.

Let me tell you about a problem I used to have. I'm inclined to be an introvert, as I discuss in my book, How To Become An Alpha Male.

So to overcome my shyness, I would force myself to chat up everybody, no matter who they were ... hot girls, ugly girls, fat girls, old people, men, children, people walking dogs, etc.

I would talk about neutral topics with them, nothing to do with picking up girls.

The net result from all of that was I became really good at approaching people. I thought I was well on the way in learning how to overcome shyness.

After that, however, I made a mistake. I said to myself "Since I'm so good at approaching people and have become an outgoing person, why am I wasting time talking to anyone other than hot chicks?"

So then I limited the people I talked to - and my anxiety about talking to random women swept over me once again. It was as if I'd never had all that practice chatting up strangers in the first place.

At that point I realised it was because I was outcome-dependent. Because I had thoughts like "I'm going to try to lay this woman" in my mind ... before I'd even opened my mouth to say "hi".- and so I would crash and burn.

Here's something that can help you discover how to overcome shyness. Whenever you go out, talk to three people. Because it's just for practice, don't limit yourself to talking only to hot women. In general, I've found that elderly people (both males and females) and fat women are easy to talk to.

Once you've done your practices and feel warmed up, then you can chat up hot women. Again though, do it without having any sort of sex-related outcome in mind. I've been rejected time and time again. One woman screamed "Go away!" at me before I could even get out my initial sentence.

Now I look back on all of that and laugh.

My point is that the more you learn how to overcome shyness, the more you'll reach a level where you notice that most people act in the same, predictable ways. It'll bore you rather than cause you anxiety.

Think of it as trying to build a house. You put down one brick at a time and cement tt. Brick, cement. Brick, cement. It'll take a long time, but eventually, the walls will be up (which means you've finished the hard part).

To get a bit more psychological, there's really no such thing as "being nervous." You don't "get nervous," like it's some kind of flu virus that invades your body. All feelings of nervousness come from within. You have a certain series of thought processes that you go through. You picture the woman rejecting you. You feel tense in your body. And so on.

So what you can do to solve this problem is to identify it for what it is. Notice your negative thoughts and change them. Let your muscles relax. For me, I feel tense in my jaw and face when I'm nervous. So when I relax my jaw and facial muscles, it alleviates a lot of my tension.

I'll wrap it up for you by concluding with this advice on how to overcome shyness:-

Be social for the sake of being social. Nothing else. Remember that the only way to get over your fear is by doing the thing you fear. The more you do it, the easier it gets.Recognize your bad thoughts and force yourself to replace them with good ones. Ease the physical tension you have in your body when you feel nervous.

In How To Become An Alpha Male - a seduction success guide for men - John Alexander goes into much more detail about how to overcome shyness and anxiety around women.

 

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